It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
