just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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