White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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