As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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