I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
