dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
