I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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