when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
