Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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