I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
