How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
