overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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