I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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