You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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