We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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