I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
