I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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