you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
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