I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
