I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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