I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
