so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
