So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
