I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
