Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
