It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
this must be what syphilis tastes like
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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