I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
