i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
