Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
