The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
