i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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