I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
