saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
