what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
