Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so explain again why im purple
no
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
