She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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