tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
