Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
