I hate all girls vehemently.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
the liver wants what the liver wants
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
