I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
