one might say we're banned from that church
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
third nipple confirmed
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
