stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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