Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
