I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
