I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
