that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
