So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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