she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
