I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
