I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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