Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You made out with two different species that night
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
