i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
